Becoming A New Father
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As a husband (and now father), the weeks after you bring your child home from the hospital are going to be the first opportunity for you to get to know your child. However, you may find yourself sidelined. Do not despair.
For nine months, you have sat on the sideline while your wife (or girlfriend) has carried and endured pregnancy. Sure, you have been making random food runs, and helping her try to be as comfortable as possible, but she has done the hard work. As you bring your child home from the hospital, despite your uncertainty, it is really going to be your first chance to get to know your child.
However, you may find that your new baby doesn’t seem to warm to you as they do to their mother. The baby may not want to cuddle with you, may scream when you take them, or just not show any signs that they recognize you. It’s very easy to become depressed about this - you’ve likely been nervous and excited to finally meet your baby, but the baby seems to not care for you. This is not uncommon.
Your baby doesn’t know you. While you had a hand in making the baby, and it came partially from you, your child has never met you before or been connected to you. Your baby is not only experiencing life away from the womb for the first time, they are also learning how to eat, sleep, and experiencing many other new things for the first time. Just because your baby doesn’t take to you quickly doesn’t mean that your baby doesn’t love you or won’t love you. Your baby is simply learning how the world works.
Your wife will likely have more opportunities to connect with your child, especially if she is breastfeeding. Beyond even that though, your child has literally been a part of their mother for the last 9 months. There is simply a more natural connection between them. If your child seems to love your partner more than you, it’s because they are more familiar to the child.
Very commonly I see new fathers wondering if their child will love them, if they are a good father, or why their baby does not like them. Some new dads simply turn off, and stop trying when this happens. Just because your child does not seem to be in love with you for the first few months does not mean you should give up and stop trying - that’s exactly the opposite of what your child needs. The only way your child will get to know you, and learn to trust you is for you to continue trying even when it feels like there’s no hope. Eventually, your baby will become more comfortable with you.
Some of the greatest joys of becoming a new father happen later in your baby’s life. Beyond the birth of your child, having your baby fall asleep in your arms, or seeing your baby smile at you for the first time are unbelievably joyous experiences as a father. However, if you’re expecting those things in the first few weeks, you’ll likely be disappointed. The only way to get to some of those wonderful experiences is by putting in the hard work from the start.
What this means is that you may be holding a screaming baby, or you may be running around the house trying to find diapers, wipes or something else. You may be changing all of the diapers so your wife can get a break, or you may be trying to cook a meal as your wife is trying to rest. All of these “less fun” activities are things that you don’t hear as much about. That’s not because a father doesn’t do them, it’s just the part that isn’t glamorous or exciting.
Ultimately, your goal is to do everything you can to support your newborn child and wife. Just because it’s not exactly what you expected from the start doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Throw your expectations out the window, and do what you can in the moment to be there for them. In the long run, your child will begin to recognize you as always being there, and always being a support. As they grow older, they will trust you because of the foundation that you built when they were a baby.
Becoming a father is more than just when that baby is born. It’s all of the hard work that you put in as your child grows.
Your child will learn to recognize your love, and will begin to love you back. However, it will take time. Don’t despair, just realize it will take time, patience, and a lot of effort. Becoming a father is more than just when that baby is born. It’s all of the hard work that you put in as your child grows.
