Supporting Need vs Wants

Your child is going to scream about something at some point that is absolutely ridiculous. Most likely, this will happen more than once, but it will happen at least once. They’re going to lay on the floor and scream because they do not want to put their plate away, or they because they want you to get them something that they should get themselves. You need to learn to distinguish true need from desires.

When your child is still a baby, they can’t get up and put their plate away. They can’t clean up after themselves. These are things that you have to do for them - it is a need that they can’t fulfill on their own. However, as they grow older, gain more control over their body, and begin to understand things better, they’ll be able to complete these tasks on their own - at some point they should be doing them.

It’s important for the good of you and your child that you learn what your child truly needs vs what they want. While it’s fine to give in to your child’s wants from time to time, it’s important to help them with their needs all the time. As they grow older and learn, their needs will become things that they want you to do even if they no longer need you to do them - you know that you’re teaching them well when this happens.

Kids are smart - they will take advantage of you whenever you let them. If you give in to them whenever they want something, they’ll never learn to do it themselves. It really doesn’t matter what it is, if you’re constantly doing everything for them, they won’t learn to do it themselves. You’ve got to let them do the things they’re capable of doing, even if it means that you have to go through some screaming fits.

A few examples of this: cleaning up after themselves after eating a meal; picking up their toys; doing the laundry. Basically anything that your child is capable of doing, they should be. Once again, that doesn’t mean you never do these things for your child, but over time they should be learning to do them themselves and more often than not doing them. You shouldn’t drop everything at a moment's notice to do them.

Your job as a parent is to raise your child so that they can become self-sufficient and to ultimately be able to take care of themselves. At some point, your child is going to have to go out on their own and be an adult. If you’ve always done everything for them their whole lives, they are going to fall pretty hard when they have to be on their own. Teaching them along the way will set them up for success.

Loving your child doesn’t mean you always do everything for them. It means that you prepare them for the future and raise them to be capable and civil adults. If your child turns into an adult that can’t take care of things themselves, they are going to have a hard time keeping a job, making a friend’s, and simply living in the world. Don’t spoil your child - teach them to be a responsible human being.

Help your child to do the things that they can themselves. Provide for their needs, and teach them to fulfill their own desires.