Tell the Truth, Get in Less Trouble

Lying always seems like the easier solution. It does not matter how old you are, but for some reason our brains tell us that if we lie that we will be able to get away with something. Likely previous experiences have shown us that when we get away with something, we do not get in trouble at all. As such, it is standard that we as humans are drawn to lying even when we know the fall can be hard.

It’s important to teach kids, from an early age, that lying actually isn’t the best option. There are two different strategies that parents take with this, but we believe that one is a much better option as it’s easier for parents to follow through as they’ve stated they would. The first option is one where you have your child tell you the truth no matter what they’ve done, and you don’t punish them for it.

This sounds great, but in practice this is extremely hard to implement. If you’re the type of parent that doesn’t get upset easily or isn’t going to get mad at your child, then this strategy may work well for you. However, if you have a hard time not getting mad or upset with your child, especially when they do something wrong, you’ll likely find that this strategy is simply too hard to follow through on.

A more realistic approach for most parents is the second strategy: if your child tells the truth, they will receive a less severe punishment than if you learn that they are lying about something. This grants you far more latitude, and it allows you some of the flexibility of the first strategy (you don’t have to punish them if they tell the truth), but for more serious mistakes your child can be punished accordingly.

Let’s look at an example of these two strategies in play. Imagine that you’ve found a broken window in your home that has a ball that went through it. The ball went from inside the window to outside (in other words, it wasn’t some random child on the street). You bring your child in to ask them if they broke the window. It’s at this point that the two strategies come into play - what will happen from here?

Let’s assume the child tells you the truth that they broke the window by throwing the ball in the house while playing with friends (which you’ve told them not to do hundreds of times). With strategy one, you tell your child that it’s okay, and that they should not throw the ball any longer. You can provide consequences in this case (having them pay for the broken window), but that’s about all - you can’t send them to their room or send their friends home - they’ve told the truth.

With the second strategy, you can provide more consequences, but you don’t have to. Most certainly you’ll have them pay for the window, but you also have further consequences you can provide if you’d like - friends are sent home, child is sent to their room, etc. If the child lies about breaking the window, then more severe consequences may follow. Even in this scenario though, you shouldn’t lose your temper - it’s important to maintain a respectful relationship even when punishment is needed.

Having the ability to provide more severe consequences, even when your child tells the truth, is important. Not every action requires a severe punishment, but some do. Having your strategy as a parent be that telling the truth receives a less severe punishment, but truth still earns punishment will let you be more consistent in your parenting.