Should I Allow my Child to go to a Sleepover?

Sleeping over at a friend’s house can be the highlight of the month or week for a child. They get a night with their friend, they get away from some of the normal rules, and they likely aren’t getting as much sleep as they should. As a kid who simply wants to enjoy life, sleepovers are one of the most enjoyable times that you can imagine.

As a parent, sleepovers are quite nerve racking, especially when they’re not sleeping at your home. Your child is away from home, you can’t make sure they’re safe constantly, you have no idea if they’re sleeping, what they’re eating, or what other mischief they may be up to. Letting your child go to a sleepover can be a tough decision for you. Below are a few thoughts about sleepovers and ground rules for allowing your child to go to one.

What age should I let them sleep over?

There’s no set age for letting a child go to sleepover at someone else’s house. If they’re headed to the grandparents house, that’s likely a different age then when they’re headed to a friend’s house for the night. You want your child to be old enough to be able to talk to you about what they did, and you need to be able to trust your child to be able to listen to other adults.

For most kids, around the age of 10 is when they’ll likely be able to go to a sleepover at their friend’s house, but you’ll have to be able to make that decision based on their maturity. If your child is ready earlier than that, or if they’re going to an activity that you think is fine before that, then go right ahead.

Know the other adults

This is by far the number one thing that you should know about letting your child go to a sleepover. If you’re not familiar with all of the adults in the household, then you should not let your child go to the sleepover. You need to know all of them and trust them enough that your child will be in their presence for several hours and overnight.

The most obvious reason that this is important is because some of the scariest crimes with children happen when they are in homes of people that they know. You need to know and trust the other parents - also make sure that your child knows that they can and should tell you anything inappropriate that may take place when at someone else’s house. This is something that they should know regardless of whether it’s a sleepover or not.

Even beyond that possibility, you need to trust that if something happens that the other adult will act responsibly. You don’t want the other adults to be leaving the kids home alone to go out for the night, or for them to be giving substances or other things to the kids. You need to know that they’re responsible, they will call you if anything happens, and that overall your child is in a safe place. You absolutely must know and trust the adults in the other household.

Phone location is always on

Technology is really great these days when letting your child spend the night somewhere else. You can easily find where your child is via their phone. Yes, they can certainly not have their phone on them, but that’s quite unlikely that they’ll be leaving their phone somewhere - kids are quite addicted to having their phone with them at all times.

Make the rule that your child’s phone location is always on. You don’t need to use it and check where they are, but if there’s ever an issue that you can’t get hold of them, having the location on can literally be a lifesaver. The only reason your child would turn the location off is if they’re doing something they shouldn’t, be so this really shouldn’t be an issue if they’re going to actually sleepover.

Child can call home at anytime

Make sure your child knows that they can call you anytime that they want. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is, they can call or write you if they need something. Make sure they’re not scared to let you know that they need something, even if that means that you’re headed to pick them up at 2AM in the morning.

You want your child to also know that they will not get in trouble if they do call you, even when they’re calling you from a location that they shouldn’t be. You want your child to know that you love them and the number one most important thing is that they’re safe. If they’ve got themselves in a tough situation, you will come to get them or help them out of it no matter what.

Child is completing all responsibilities at home

Having a sleepover is a privilege that your child earns. They need to be helping out as expected at home, completing homework, and doing whatever else is needed at home. Since most sleepovers happen on the weekends, make sure that all homework is completed before letting them go. In terms of chores at home, that’s up to you as to when they complete them, but they should be done.

A lot of times at a sleepover, kids don’t sleep as much as they should. This means that they are going to come home quite tired and not want to do a whole lot. Having them complete chores and responsibilities before they go is ideal, but if they don’t, then make sure they know what they must complete when they get back home.

Let them have fun

Most of the above points discuss being serious with your child, and making sure that they’re being a responsible child. However, sleep overs are meant to be a fun time. Don’t put so many restrictions on your child that they’re not going to be able to have fun. Yes, your child is probably going to do some things that you may not like (maybe they’re staying up too late, or eating really poorly). Let them have fun.

Step back and consider the things that are really important vs what you are trying to teach your child. If your child eats too much unhealthy food at a sleepover, it’s not the end of the world. Obviously, there are things that are serious - drinking, drugs, etc. Distinguish between those things that are non-negotiable vs those that you want for your child. Overall, let your child have a fun time while at the sleepover - you’re much more likely to see the kids sleep over at your home if you’re not restricting them too much.

Conclusion

Sleep overs can be a fun time for your child as they grow up. Set some basic rules and boundaries, make sure your child knows that you trust them, and let them have a good time.