Dealing With Burnout

Parenting is hard. There are going to be days that are easier than others, but overall you are likely to have more hard days than easy days. You may wonder why people want to be parents when there are so many hard parts of parenting. We have written about this topic multiple times in the past, but we will just say that the highs of parenting are some of the very best you can experience in your lifetime.

If you’re experiencing burnout as a parent, you need to figure out how you can overcome it. Dragging yourself through the day isn’t good for you or your child, and it can lead to far worse consequences in the long run. If you feel like you don’t want to do the parenting thing anymore, or you’re dreading to wake up the next day to do it all over again, then it’s time to start making changes to address the problem.

If you’ve got a partner helping you do the parenting, then talk with them about how you’re feeling. Try to figure out how you can make it easier on you. At the same time, they may also be feeling the same types of feelings. See if there are things that they could use help with as well. Parenting is a joint effort when there are multiple parents. Work together to make both of your lives better.

If you’re on your own, or have a partner who is unwilling to help, then talk with your pediatrician about how you’re feeling. Make it clear that you’re feeling depressed. They may refer you to a therapist, but it’s their job to watch out for the well-being of your child, and the fact that you’re willing to talk with them will show them that you want to work on getting things right - they won’t judge you for these feelings.

Next up, you need to figure out a way to make time for yourself. You can’t only worry about your child - if you’re not taking care of yourself then you’ll continue to be depressed. You may think that there’s no way to do this, especially if you’re on your own, but you have to. It’s critical to clear your mind and do the things that you enjoy from time to time. That doesn’t mean you put your child in danger though.

Check with family, friends, and neighbors about watching your child every now and then. If they’re able to help, even if it’s just for 30 minutes, that will give you some time to do something for yourself. Yes, it may not be a ton of time, but from where you’re at now, it’s better than nothing. If you can’t find anyone able to help, then look at putting your child down for a nap or quiet time - even if they cry, it’s fine.

As long as your child is safe, they can cry for several minutes. They may cry themselves to sleep, but that’s fine. You need to realize that crying is often how a child expresses themselves. You can let them cry without feeling guilty. If you’re tired, but your child doesn’t want to sleep, just lay down next to them on the floor, make sure the area is safe and they can’t get away, and let them.

If you’re struggling with your feelings toward your child in the moment, pick them up and hug them closely while smelling their hair. Simply having your child close while smelling them will often release endorphins that make you feel love towards your child. If your child won’t stop screaming while doing this, then you may be better to set them down, but if you can remove the bad feelings, you’ll feel much better.

At the end of the day all your child needs is you, food to eat, a place to go to the bathroom (diapers), a place to sleep, and warmth. If your child has all of those things then they are safe - don’t let your mind tell you otherwise. It may make you think you have to be doing everything for your child. You really don’t. Kids can get away with little and still be happy and safe. Do everything you can, but keep yourself happy as well.

Being burned out from parenting is part of the journey. Work on finding time for yourself, and work through the feelings that you are experiencing to make it better. It may not be perfect, but it can be better.