Dealing With Emotional Responses in Kids

You are sitting enjoying a nice evening. Everyone is happy and having a good time. The inevitable is about to come - time to go to bed. You tell your child there’s five minutes until bed, they say okay. Five minutes later and you tell your child that it’s time to head up to bed. Your child is suddenly screaming and fighting against going to bed. No matter what you say, your child simply won’t calm down. After fifteen minutes, your child has finally calmed down and you’re able to get them to bed.

If you’re a parent with an older child, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced a situation like this. Your child seems to unexpectedly become unglued and they absolutely refuse to calm down no matter what you do. Figuring out how to deal with these situations will go a long way in helping you to teach your child the correct emotional responses as well as to help you to keep your sanity without screaming.

Stay calm

When these situations arise, the first step is to simply stay as calm as you can. It is quite natural for you to get upset with your child, especially if this happens regularly. Getting mad at your child and showing them that anger is about the worst way to handle the situation. Trying to yell at your child and force them to do whatever it is they should be will not go over well.

Stay calm and use your normal voice with your child. Don’t try to get overly cute or nice with your voice. Using your regular voice will help your child to realize that you’re listening to them and trying to help them. They won’t think you’re trying to baby them and they won’t think you’re really mad with them. Your child is far more likely to listen when this is the case.

Tell them that you understand

Screaming at your child and telling them they’re wrong is going to make them more upset. Being told you’re wrong when you’re already in an emotional state is hard enough for an adult to deal with. A child likely doesn’t have the emotional ability to correctly handle such a situation. Don’t try to tell them they’re wrong in the moment.

Instead, tell them that you understand why they’re upset. Work through with them why they are feeling that way. You likely know the reason, but help them to understand it as well. From the initial situation we presented, you could tell your child that you understand and that you also don’t want to go to bed. Tell them you’re upset and sad also. Work through when you might do the activity again and that it will be fun to do so again. You’re going to need a lot of patience to work through the emotions with them in the moment, but the more you show them you understand, the more likely they are to listen.

Help them to learn to properly breathe

Another important skill when you’re upset is to make sure your head is getting enough oxygen. When you get in such an emotional state that you’re screaming and going a bit crazy, your head is not able to clearly think. Being able to take deep breaths and help clear your mind is important in these situations.

You’re also not going to be able to teach this in the moment. You need to work with your child to learn breathing techniques in times when they’re not going crazy. Teach them how to take deep breaths in and out and to focus on that breathing. While they may not immediately do it when you tell them, the more you practice and work on it, the more likely they will be able to get oxygen to their head at some point.

Give them at least two notices of upcoming events

If your child is prone to emotional responses, then the more notice you give them of upcoming events the better. You won’t completely eliminate the emotional breakdowns, but you can likely temper them and eventually get over them. Give your child a countdown to when bedtime is coming or whatever else triggers your child.

Talk to your doctor

If you continue to see issues and you can’t get your child to calm down, be sure to talk to your doctor about their responses. It’s very possible that your child has some type of medical condition which actually affects their ability to respond in these situations. Your doctor should be able to help diagnose any potential problems.

Conclusion

Patience is the key when working with a child who has strong emotional responses in unexpected situations. Keep at it and you will succeed.