Don’t Play Favorites

Kids are very perceptive. They notice things that you think they can’t see. Whether it is something in your body language, or the way you say something, kids will pick up on the clues as to what is going on. As a parent, you do the same thing with your child. You’ll be able to tell when they are sad or happy or simply having a bad day by how they act. Just because you don’t say something doesn’t mean they don’t recognize it.

This doesn’t mean that you have to hide your emotions or actions away from your children, but rather you need to recognize that they will see things that you’re not saying. They may not recognize it themselves at the time, but may come to realize it later. Simply make sure you’re being the best you that you can be all the time. Yes, you’ll make mistakes, but apologize for those mistakes and do better.

One particular mistake that many parents make, especially as kids grow older, is showing favoritism to one child over another. You are going to love each of your children differently - there’s no question about that. They are different human beings and simply grow up differently and there are different things to love about them. However, just because you love them differently doesn’t mean you should treat them differently.

Sure, you may hug one child and kiss the other, but that’s because it’s what they prefer, not because you love the one you kiss more. Your actions may be different in how you interact with your child, but it should be because of what that child wants and needs, not because you are more proud of one of your children over the other. You need to do your best to give all kids equal opportunities.

Set equal expectations for your children. You should expect all of your kids to do the same thing. It’s certainly unfair to expect one child to clean the bathroom, but to exempt the other child from ever doing it. If a child isn’t old enough to clean the bathrooms yet, that’s one thing, but when they reach the appropriate age then they should be helping the same manner that the older child did.

Setting expectations and providing rewards for those expectations being met are probably the biggest way that you can be fair to each child. If one child isn’t meeting the expectations, then they may not get the reward. Make sure that they understand what the expectation is and why they’re not getting the reward. Don’t simply let them think that you’re not being fair, but make sure they understand that it was on their end they failed to meet the requirement.

Expectations should be the same whether in the home, in regards to school expectations, and providing opportunities for your children to do the things they enjoy. Paying for something for one child and then refusing to pay for another simply because you only had enough money for one child will generally build resentment between parent and child and potentially between the children - provide equal opportunity for all of your children (assuming financial stability).

Treat your children fairly - don’t play favorites, and do your best to provide equal expectations and opportunities to them. They will notice if not, and it may lead to resentment.