Gender Equality For Kids

Growing up, many parents were taught certain stereotypes about how each gender was supposed to act. Girls play with dolls, boys play with cars and action figures. Girls like pink, boys like blue. The list can go on and on about how gender differences start from very early on in life for most kids. As a parent, it is important to work on breaking those stereotypes so that your kids are more well rounded.

Treating kids equally is a difficult task, especially for those parents that grew up where gender stereotyping was present in their home. It will take work as a parent to get these things right, and it’s okay to make mistakes. The important part is to correct yourself and work on doing better.

Don’t tell kids that only boys or girls do something

This is the first step in starting to break down gender stereotypes: don’t tell your child that they can’t do it because it’s only for boys or girls. There are certainly some things where this is true. You’re not going to send your eight year old son into the girls bathroom because he wants to - there are certainly lines that shouldn’t be crossed. However, this has a simple explanation as to why it’s not allowed.

Telling your child that they can not play a sport because it’s only for boys, or telling them that they wear certain clothes because they’re only for girls (something tighter fitting, for example) is a great way for your child to start to gender stereotype things in their life. It may not be easy for you, but it’s important as we move towards trying to get gender equality in the world.

Equally important - don’t tell your child they can’t aspire to be something because it doesn’t fit your idea of the gender role. If your child aspires to be a firefighter, policeman, or ballet dancer, they should be free to do so. As children grow older and learn more about these professions and roles, they may decide it’s not for them, but don’t tell them no simply because it’s only for boys or girls.

Allow your kids to try things even if you think they cross a gender boundary

Don’t just use your words to help break down gender stereotypes, use your actions as well. If your son wants to paint his toenails or fingernails, let him do so the same as you would let your daughter do so. There’s no reason you should let your daughter paint their toenails at a certain age and tell your son no. If they are made fun of, use it as an opportunity to help educate them that some people have not yet learned how to be truly accepting of others.

Letting your child try things that cross gender boundaries can often lead to sadness and disappointment. Your job as a parent is to help them to see what those downfalls may be in advance, and then be ready to help them work through them. If your daughter wants to play football, you may have to help her work through issues of being bullied and picked on by the other players. You may need to work with coaches and other parents as well.

An example from my own experience

When my youngest son was born, he had a good set of lungs on him. He wasn’t afraid to let them be heard. As he has grown, he’s not afraid to scream out loud. When he was still a toddler, the first time I wanted him to stop screaming, I told him to “stop screaming like a little girl.” I didn’t have any daughters at that time (I still don’t), but I immediately stopped to think about what I had just said.

If I did have a daughter, what would I say to her? She would be a little girl, so my comment would make absolutely no sense. Reflecting further, where did I have this idea in my mind that screaming was something that only girls do. Likely from words that I had heard when I was younger. That exact phrase was said at school, and by friends: “he screams like a girl.”

Boys scream just as much as girls do, if not more. While it may sound a little bit different, there was no reason for me to make my son think that he was any better than a girl that would scream like him - he wouldn’t be. Since that time, I’ve changed the way I tell my son to stop screaming. I tell him to stop screaming like a baby (and now like a toddler). Rather than bringing gender into the equation, it’s just about being a person that is growing up and learning new ways to deal with disappointment.

Conclusion

It’s very easy to accidentally fall into the trap of gender stereotyping your kids. You should be working everyday to break that habit. Being a boy or girl isn’t bad. Having traits from both genders (or what you may consider something associated with a specific gender) is what will make more well-rounded human beings and lead to adults who are better able to bring about change in our world.