Keeping Your Child’s Trust

When your child is still a toddler, they rely on you for everything. They will tell you basically anything you ask them, and they trust you with everything. Part of that is because they don't really know anything different, but also because they are simply a completely trusting being and you are always there. Unfortunately, that does not always last and many kids will grow out of it at some point.

As children grow into their teenage years, you’ll find that they will often become more distant and trust you with less. Remember that every child is different, but in general it’s simply the phase that teenage kids go through. As they hang out with friends, and as they start to go through changes in their body, many of their emotions will change and they will simply start doing things differently.

There will be opportunities that present themselves to you as a parent to keep your child’s trust. Very often, you may not recognize these opportunities as they seem like simple interactions or perhaps more dire situations. You need to step back in many situations and determine if you should be discussing your child’s issues with other people before doing so - it can be the difference between them coming to you in the future or not.

First off, do not make fun of your child in front of other people, including siblings, about something that they told you in private. Whether it’s because of someone that they may like or something that to you seemed silly. If they bring it up first in front of others, then you can comment on it, but otherwise you should keep your mouth shut on the subject. You’ll quickly lose a child’s trust if you don’t.

Similarly, you shouldn’t be discussing your child’s personal issues behind their backs with your own family (your parents, your siblings, etc.). If you talk to your family about everything, you’re going to have to get out of the habit. As soon as your child learns that their grandparents know about their secret crush, or about some other embarrassing fact in their life because you brought it up, you can expect them to stop telling you about them.

If you’re entrusted with knowledge about your child’s friend that seems like something that their parents should know, stop for a moment and determine how critical that knowledge is. You would potentially be betraying the trust of your child and undermining their relationship with their friend as well. Is the situation life or death? If so, then the other parents should know. Otherwise, it’s not your responsibility to inform them.

Earning your child’s trust means that you need to do everything you can so that they know you are keeping them safe and keeping their secrets to yourself. It’s much easier to keep your child’s trust than it is to earn it back after losing it because you were unable to keep some special knowledge to yourself. If you struggle with not talking about the issues that your child may be going through, you’re going to need to figure out a way to get over it.

Kids will trust you if you keep their secrets. If you go around their back or tell them about the secret things they tell you to other people, you can expect to lose that trust.