Put Your Phone Down

How many times per day do you look at your phone? How many minutes or hours do you spend looking at your phone? In comparison, how many times do you read a book to your child? How many minutes or hours do you spend playing with them? If you’re unsure or if you’re spending equal or more time with your phone, then it’s time to work on making a change.

15 years ago, not everyone was carrying a tiny device in their pocket that would allow them to look up anything they wanted at almost anytime of the day. If you wanted to know how your friend was doing, you’d have to send them a text or call them (or hop on MySpace). If you wanted to know the score to a sporting event then you’d have to turn on the TV, radio, or computer to find out. If you wanted to play a game, then you’d have to bust out a board game or else turn on a gaming console. You couldn’t just pull your phone out of your pocket to do these things.

Phones are extremely useful. Being able to send an email, or connect with family that lives far away through a video chat is awesome. I now have an excuse for not pulling over to ask for directions as I can just ask my phone how to get there. I have so many pictures of my kids growing up that it seems like we won’t ever forget a moment in their lives. There are many benefits to what your phone can do.

The real problem with your smartphone is that it’s very easy to spend too much time looking at it. Your child is asking you to play with them, but you’re looking up what others are saying on social media. Your child wants to read a book, but you’re responding to work emails. Your partner needs a break from the kids, but you’d rather sit and space out with your phone.

Strategies for being present and removing the phone

In order to get over looking at your phone all the time, you’re going to have to work at it. It’s not going to be an overnight fix to the problem. The first step is realizing that you need to make a change, and then the second step is starting to act on what those changes need to be.

The easiest way to stop looking at your phone all the time when with your kids is to not have your phone on you. If your phone is in your pocket, it’s just too easy to reach for it and pull it out. Leave your phone in your bedroom, office, or otherwise when you’re spending time with your child. At first this will be extremely difficult, and you may only make it a few minutes between going to check your phone. However, over time it will become easier.

If you’re really worried about missing an important message (for work or something else), then let your partner hold on to your phone for you. If that important message comes, then they can hand you your phone back so you can address it. You’ll likely find that you’re not actually going to get your phone back - generally those important messages are things you’ve put in your head as an excuse to look at your phone.

There are also apps that help track your screen time, how many times you unlock your phone, and can limit those numbers. While those are helpful to give you an idea of how much time you’re spending looking at your phone, they can also be overridden very easily if you still want to look at your phone. In other words, if you’re not committed to making a change in relation to your phone, then you’re going to find it all too easy to simply enter the password to bypass the lock that the app may put in place.

Why the phone?

The number one reason that parents are always looking at their phone is because it’s so much easier to get lost in the phone than it is to actually be a parent. Parenting is not always the most fun thing to do. Changing diapers, playing imaginary games, and listening to screaming kids is not the most fun thing in the world. A phone is used as a coping or escape mechanism to get away from doing the hard parts of parenting.

If you’ll put your phone down, you’ll likely find that playing with your kids becomes more fun. Throwing yourself into an activity wholeheartedly will make things more enjoyable for you and for them. If you’re thinking about your phone and what you’d rather be doing, then you’ll find that these activities aren’t nearly as fun to engage in. Trying to play and look at your phone just frustrates everyone - put your phone down.

Conclusion

Phones are cool. They’re also a huge distraction to you when your child and family wants you to spend time with them. Put your phone away, and be fully present for those that love you.